


Spitting Feathers

by erunamiryene



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Gen, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 09:39:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3170135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erunamiryene/pseuds/erunamiryene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Warden and his friend Shale come to Skyhold to visit Morrigan.  Cullen learns that he and Shale are both from Honnleath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spitting Feathers

**Author's Note:**

> k!meme fill where the prompt requested that Shale become ... reacquainted with a Cullen who was a total miscreant regarding the statue in the center of Honnleath. I chose to have it be "Shale after she went to Tevinter and was re-dwarf-ified" for maximum funtimes.

Aedan's friend Shale was in the middle of a story when Cullen finally joined the group congregated in the garden, sliding into the open space next to Evelyn. "Sorry I'm late," he said. "You'd think after this long we could get patrol logs turned over in a timely ... manner ..." He trailed off as he noticed the group had gone extremely silent.

"You." Shale's voice was positively dripping with venom.

Evelyn stepped away from Cullen. On the other side of him, Dorian did the same. Varric looked extremely sorry he didn't have pen and paper handy.

Cullen looked around. "Me?"

" _You_!"

And the only thing that saved Cullen from being violently punched was training taking over his brain, making him dive out of the way and flee to the other side of the gazebo.

"Will someone _please_ explain what's going on?" he pleaded as he and Shale circled the gazebo.

"Curly, I think the phrase that most applies here is 'the pigeons coming home to roost’," Varric answered, to much laughter.

"That is no help, Varric!" Cullen shouted, running past as Shale charged him again. The group scattered for the walkway once it was clear that this was only going to end one way.

Evelyn leaned over. "Warden, you're ... not going to let her _kill_ him, are you? It's just so late in the game to have to find another commander."

Aedan laughed. "No, I won't let her kill him."

"But we _are_ going to let her chase him, right? Please don't take this away from me, Boss!" Bull was ready to drop to his knees and beg.

Evelyn grinned. "Of course." She raised her voice. "My judgment is that Shale is fully justified in getting at least _some_ revenge."

"Wait, what? Revenge for _what_?" Cullen bellowed.

"And of course you'd be wearing feathers!" Shale roared, practically vaulting over a bench and finally tackling Cullen into a flowerbed. Loose potting soil billowed up in a cloud around him.

"The minute you walked in here, I recognized you. That ... _face_ , it's been burned into my brain for the last nearly thirty years!"

"I swear by the Maker, I have no idea who you are!" Cullen insisted desperately, at this point just hoping she didn't punch him in the face because he didn't want to have to explain any of this to his sergeant of the guard.

"Let's discuss Honnleath, shall we?" she said furiously, getting off of him and yanking him up to his knees. "Remember trips to town with your mother?"

Cullen was now dusted with soil _and_ completely mystified. "... of course?"

"And while she was shopping, what did you do?"

"I remember I liked to go throw breadcrumbs on the statue in the center of town, but I don't see -"

"Oh, is that _all_?" Shale scoffed. " _Just_ breadcrumbs? Not that that's excusable! But what else?"

"Well, I mean, there were the childhood pranks ..."

"Like?" Evelyn helpfully prompted from the sidelines.

"Uh, well ... wait, whose side are you on?"

"Let's talk about the bet," Shale growled.

Cullen chuckled before he could stop himself. "I got in trouble for that one. My friend Rawson bet me twelve sovereigns that I wouldn't piss on the statue. Twelve sovereigns is a lot of money to an eleven year old, so I did it. Of course, my mother wanted to know where I got the money, and boy did I pay for it later."

"Not enough!" Shale bellowed.

"What is all this to you?" Cullen asked. "Will you _please_ explain?"

"I was that statue!" Shale shouted. "I had to sit there and endure your horrible little self every single week! Like clockwork, there you'd be, yet another awful idea etching itself on your face. 'Oh, let's piss on the statue! Oh, let's draw pictures on the statue's backside! Oh, let's climb the statue like a monkey in a tree and stand on her!'. The only thing worse than you were the pigeons!" She spat. "Which you attracted when you threw those breadcrumbs!"

"Wait, you were ... "

Evelyn waved her hand to get his attention. "Remember that book you found, about the golems? Shale was one of them."

The color drained from Cullen's face as he mentally flipped through a list of all the things he had done to that statue when he was younger.

Shale grabbed his shoulders and shook him so hard that feathers flew off of his mantle and his teeth chattered. "I ... you ... pigeon crap!" She let him go and stomped away, breathing hard. "You're lucky the Warden is my friend."

"So ... I'm going to ... you know ... that is ... work to do," Cullen said after stumbling to his feet, pointing vaguely in the direction of the main hall before turning and practically running out of the garden.

Evelyn looked at Morrigan and grinned. "Can't wait to see who comes to visit you next."


End file.
